Pole Dancing

Some people wonder why I go to the studio so much - they think that I crave negative attention and I have "Daddy" issues.

They are wrong. The truth is that it doesn't matter how old I am, what I do for a living, how much money I make, if I am even happy at the moment - I get to forget all of it. I don't have to think about anything bad in my life, because I can't. I have to focus.

 This is my "quiet" time when my body gets to be strong, gets to be beautiful. No one can hurt me then, and everything I do is my choice or my failure. If I fall, it was my fault. If I succeed, it was my doing. Bodies are beautiful and music is inspiring. Nothing more - no issues.

 Oh, and they're accepting. Fat/skinny, old/young, tall/short - ALL are welcome.

Hot As H*LL Summer Is Finally Over

This summer was ridiculous - over 100 degrees how many days? Just stupid, stupid hot. I made "rule" when I started running 2 years ago, that I wouldn't even start running if it was over 80F at the beginning. Let's just say.....that many a morning went by and I never even looked at the clock, alarm , nothing, because I knew from the weather forecast the night before, that it wasn't going to even COOL DOWN to 80F.

So....bye May, June....July.....and August too. We're back at mid-September running, that right - 1-2 miles at a time. I am faster though - I am lighter again too. Over the summer, even with no running/working out/yoga, I lost a bit more weight - 127-129 now. I am trying to maintain, no more losing, no more gaining. I like having clothes that fit when I go to the closet, and everything has just not looked "right" for far too long. The wardrobe must be rebuilt.

I didn't do the Full Moon Run back in May and I was a little disappointed in myself, but to be honest - I hardly knew it came and went. Life is so busy, especially on Fridays and Saturdays - and I was okay with not doing the race. I'm sure part of me just didn't want to come to terms with the fact that I would NOT have beat my time from last year - but still.

The same thing is going to come about with the Tulsa Run this year. It shall fall on Halloween weekend again, and I shall not be joining the running ranks. Work in the salon has been incredibly busy, for which I am happy, but that is the first weekend that my partner, Don will not be awake at 3:45AM to put barricades up for the Cherry Street Farmer's Market. Hence = vacation weekend, out of Tulsa = no run.

And you know what? That's okay. There are seasons in running just like there are seasons in life. When I began running, I was so terribly lonely and it bonded me to new friends, new people, and let me out of my shell that I have created around myself. It helped me to feel stronger, more confident and be able to stand up and know that YES, I can do what I set my mind to. (You realize this at mile 26 of 26.2.)

I know I still need to run - the anxiety and stress come down on me sometimes, and honestly, just putting my hair into a ponytail, slipping into a pair of shorts and a sports bra and my favorite ASICS - is the best medicine. Time is still an issue but I will steal the 10, 15, 20 minutes here and there - where ever I can.

Long Time No Run

It's been a while - a long long while.

Well - first news worthy note: I finally weigh less than I did in high school!

Graduating, I weighed 145, now, most days, I weigh 132. I get to wear a size 4 and finally feel small enough to be beautiful.

The good or bad side: I see my clients, friends, family, and everything tells me how much smaller I am - which I THINK is a good thing - but they are all saying it. And asking me how, what did I do, what did I change, is everything okay?

I say "I don't run, I don't workout. I eat bacon, eggs, and toast every morning and ice cream at night."
So what did change? I know I'm in a relationship now, and I know that typically, for me, that is when I'm smallest. Perhaps because I don't sit and just snack all night long. Plus, when you're in a relationship, you get those "other" feel good feelings that you don't need to get from food. And....I suppose we don't eat out very often. My partner is an amazing cook, and as I've come to learn, that cooking at home, WITH oil and butter tastes good and STILL has less calories than most restaurant food. Plus, I don't feel deprived, which is one of the worst feelings ever, at least for me.

I do want to start running again, doing yoga, working out. I feel "soft". I want to be a strong, sexy woman. Instead, I'm still working for myself in the salon, and now I've also taken another job, as a "office girl" and stressing far more than I need to aka not exercising = more stress and anxiety. I know it's just time set away, importance for myself. Part of it may be that I know that just a year ago, I finished running 26.2 miles, and now.....I can run about a mile, maybe 2. And that's only because I MAKE myself. My knees hurt, my breathing is not amazing, and my sides ache. I'm a beginner again and it makes me sad.

It's strange to me though, that I was able to lose all the weight and not run. That's the whole reason I started to run, to exercise. Yes, it also made me feel good, feel strong, feel healthy, but the ONLY real thing I desired was to be smaller, thinner, sexier. Now I have that, but now I to be strong - will I be able to have both? Or will my quest for strength add back more size than I desire?

Fitness Goals for 2011

For Running-
I want to speed up. This last year I did a 27:30 for my 5K and like 1:27 for the 15K. My half marathon time was disappointment to me, so I would very much like to improve that.

5K - 27:00
half marathon - 2:07, preferably under 2:00

I'm not really sure if a marathon is on my goal for this year. I was supposed to run that in Houston this month, but I have just not been as dedicated and hence, we're doing the half. I need to improve my time from the Route 66's 2:13 that I believe I had, specifically because I added 5 minutes from the previous year's time.

Be healthy -
If losing weight is continued to be in the cards, then so shall it be. I made a chart of my weight from last year, and it's very strange. When I was training for marathons, I actually GAINED weight, and then lost it right after I quit Ihloff and continued. This is the least amount that I have weighed, almost since high school, while still being healthy and strong. I like it. I'd like to continue. :-)

Decisions & Questioning My Choices

Today I was scheduled for a 12 mile run. Last week I did 10, and it was pretty difficult miles 7-9, and even the final part. The week before was 8, and I felt great. The week before was 7 and it went well too. Today....I did well, got the first 5.5 out of the way and stopped to make a phone call. (First time ever for this, but had a limited opportunity over the "lunch hour" to take care of an issue.) And then I continued on, and I'm not really sure what happened.

I was eating my Bee Stinger Chomps, so I had the physical energy, although I kept having to circle Riverside to be able to get to the water fountains (which is always annoying). But I got down to 28th, and drank some water, and all of a sudden, I was like, "I don't care, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm done." And I ran back to my car, finishing strong and at 9.6 miles. I still had 2.4 left to go, and at that point, I was even thinking that "Whatever, I can just do the Half at Houston in January."

I've never done this before, that I can remember. Once I say I'm going to DO something, I DO IT. Period, done, no second guessing, no turning back. I was just over it. I was just thinking to myself that I did 3 marathons this year, and my only goal, at all, was to be able to run a marathon by the time I was 30. Obviously, I did that. I did 3 when I was 23. Then of course, once I accomplished that, I thought to myself, that I wanted to be able to qualify for Boston before 30, but honestly - I'm just not that fast, at least not at this point.

I've only been running for about a year and a half, so the fact that I've made it this far and done as much as I have, and ran through my aches, pains, stresses, and life obstacles, is really awesome. And I AM doing really well. I'm not sure why this happened today, but it's just really making me question a lot of other things.

Running used to be the thing I could turn to when I was down. Running is what helps me stay in shape, helps me to feel healthy, helps me to feel sexy and strong. Running used to be what bonded me to others, and granted, I'm the one that has pulled away from everyone, but I'm not sure why. Part of it has to do with the fact that I am in a relationship now, and he did used to run with me, but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't NOT run WITH me, he just doesn't run at all (not like he really ever had to either).

I miss my girl, I miss my old roommate, I miss my previous coworkers. I don't dislike the fact that I bought a house, or that I now work for myself, but there has been a lot of major changes. Running is NOT supposed to be that change. It's always supposed to be there, for me, up and down the hills, through the sun, rain, and snow. Never failing, not the running, and not me either.

But what's the point of doing the marathon in comparison to the half? The half is still quite the push, and that's what I'm doing in November in Tulsa; I had even incorporated it into my marathon training (as well as possible). There's nothing wrong with doing that in Houston either, and if I did do that, then I wouldn't be as exhausted all through December, January, and while I was in Houston and get to spend some NON PAINFUL time with my aunt.

I think the point is that the marathon is the real test. If I don't do it, my other friends Shelley & Shannan ARE going to, and they're going to do AWESOME. And I'll feel disappointed, in myself, that I couldn't or wouldn't do the training to do it with them. But do I really want to?

The way I feel after a 3 mile run is like I'm getting warmed up.

After a 6 mile - feeling really good.

After a 10+ (at least at the moment) - yeah....this is getting long, and I'm tired.

I remember putting in those miles, those footsteps last winter. My 20 mile run, on January 1st, with ice and snow on the ground, I felt like I was ACCOMPLISHING SOMETHING. And I was, I reached over a hurdle that I never thought I would conquer. And when I ran my first marathon in Phoenix and crossed that finish line, that feeling was amazing. Fast forward to 7 weeks later in Little Rock, Arkansas, after those hills and the nausea - I didn't even want to finish, but I did because how the Hell else was I going to get to the finish line where my friends were waiting? And then Oklahoma City, 7 weeks after that, it was just for fun. I had a great run, even sprinted to the finish line, and then - my time was the slowest of all 3.

I'm not really sure what to do. The Tulsa Run is on October 30th, and I won't do another long run before then, but my plan is to do the Tulsa Run and then add 4 miles either right after or that evening to be able to use it for training. The week after that is an 18 mile run, I believe. *sigh* I'm not sure what to do and this is stressing me out, along with so many other things in life. Running is supposed to be my release from all of it, not be the problem.

NEW Shoes!

So I got some of those "5 finger" shoes and was wearing them around the house and running errands in them for a few days. Today was the first day that I took them out on the road - the running road.

Pros - lightweight

Cons - my calves hurt afterwards
and at one point, I stepped off into the grass to be able to stretch and stepped on some of the sticky things and they hurt my toes because I could feel them!

So....I did a little over 4 miles around a 10:20/mile. It was really windy today too, so I think that slowed me down. We'll try again tomorrow or Saturday hopefully. It is supposed to rain tomorrow, but we'll see.

Sunday is my first scheduled 7 mile run. I did complete the 6 for this week, first time in a long time I've gone "that far". That sounds really sad, me saying that 6 miles is far, especially when just a few MONTHS ago, I was running 20+ miles. Errr....summer heat sucks. Plus, my neighborhood is ridiculously hilly so that sucks too. Oh, well. I'll have strong sexy quads and be able to run even more powerfully fast on the flat Riverside trail.

It's Probably Time To Get More Serious Again....

Practice makes perfect. Being able to breathe takes practice. Pounding out the miles takes a toll on your feet, your legs, your body.

I have been so stupidly lazy this summer. Mostly because it was so hot. Well....that's part of it. Another part has just been that I've been busy and lazy. A new man has entered my life and sometimes it's just a lot nicer to not get up at 5:30AM and get out there and encourage pain. A little rest and relaxation never hurt anyone, right?
Wrong. Tulsa Run, 15K is in about 5 weeks, and the farthest I've seriously ran this summer is about 5.5 miles. I need to just about double it, and granted the weather is cooling and that will help with not having to rise with the sun, but I need to take control and do what I need to.
Marathon training has already started, and I'm supposed to have a "solid base" of doing 3 '3 mile runs', 1 '5 mile', & 1 '4 mile' run every week, equaling about 5 runs or 18 miles a week. I'm doing lucky to run 2-3 days a week averaging 10-12 miles a week.
Next Sunday is supposed to be a 7 mile run and we're upping it from there for Houston's marathon training. It's time. The summer has been fun, but I don't want to continue to be lazy. I will only be angry and disappoint myself. I have goals and ambition and don't want things to get in the way of that. Everything is my choice and I can choice to be motivated and do this. Sometimes you just have to sacrifice a little. Which is exactly why not everyone runs marathons, and this is what's going to set me apart.