Decisions & Questioning My Choices

Today I was scheduled for a 12 mile run. Last week I did 10, and it was pretty difficult miles 7-9, and even the final part. The week before was 8, and I felt great. The week before was 7 and it went well too. Today....I did well, got the first 5.5 out of the way and stopped to make a phone call. (First time ever for this, but had a limited opportunity over the "lunch hour" to take care of an issue.) And then I continued on, and I'm not really sure what happened.

I was eating my Bee Stinger Chomps, so I had the physical energy, although I kept having to circle Riverside to be able to get to the water fountains (which is always annoying). But I got down to 28th, and drank some water, and all of a sudden, I was like, "I don't care, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm done." And I ran back to my car, finishing strong and at 9.6 miles. I still had 2.4 left to go, and at that point, I was even thinking that "Whatever, I can just do the Half at Houston in January."

I've never done this before, that I can remember. Once I say I'm going to DO something, I DO IT. Period, done, no second guessing, no turning back. I was just over it. I was just thinking to myself that I did 3 marathons this year, and my only goal, at all, was to be able to run a marathon by the time I was 30. Obviously, I did that. I did 3 when I was 23. Then of course, once I accomplished that, I thought to myself, that I wanted to be able to qualify for Boston before 30, but honestly - I'm just not that fast, at least not at this point.

I've only been running for about a year and a half, so the fact that I've made it this far and done as much as I have, and ran through my aches, pains, stresses, and life obstacles, is really awesome. And I AM doing really well. I'm not sure why this happened today, but it's just really making me question a lot of other things.

Running used to be the thing I could turn to when I was down. Running is what helps me stay in shape, helps me to feel healthy, helps me to feel sexy and strong. Running used to be what bonded me to others, and granted, I'm the one that has pulled away from everyone, but I'm not sure why. Part of it has to do with the fact that I am in a relationship now, and he did used to run with me, but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't NOT run WITH me, he just doesn't run at all (not like he really ever had to either).

I miss my girl, I miss my old roommate, I miss my previous coworkers. I don't dislike the fact that I bought a house, or that I now work for myself, but there has been a lot of major changes. Running is NOT supposed to be that change. It's always supposed to be there, for me, up and down the hills, through the sun, rain, and snow. Never failing, not the running, and not me either.

But what's the point of doing the marathon in comparison to the half? The half is still quite the push, and that's what I'm doing in November in Tulsa; I had even incorporated it into my marathon training (as well as possible). There's nothing wrong with doing that in Houston either, and if I did do that, then I wouldn't be as exhausted all through December, January, and while I was in Houston and get to spend some NON PAINFUL time with my aunt.

I think the point is that the marathon is the real test. If I don't do it, my other friends Shelley & Shannan ARE going to, and they're going to do AWESOME. And I'll feel disappointed, in myself, that I couldn't or wouldn't do the training to do it with them. But do I really want to?

The way I feel after a 3 mile run is like I'm getting warmed up.

After a 6 mile - feeling really good.

After a 10+ (at least at the moment) - yeah....this is getting long, and I'm tired.

I remember putting in those miles, those footsteps last winter. My 20 mile run, on January 1st, with ice and snow on the ground, I felt like I was ACCOMPLISHING SOMETHING. And I was, I reached over a hurdle that I never thought I would conquer. And when I ran my first marathon in Phoenix and crossed that finish line, that feeling was amazing. Fast forward to 7 weeks later in Little Rock, Arkansas, after those hills and the nausea - I didn't even want to finish, but I did because how the Hell else was I going to get to the finish line where my friends were waiting? And then Oklahoma City, 7 weeks after that, it was just for fun. I had a great run, even sprinted to the finish line, and then - my time was the slowest of all 3.

I'm not really sure what to do. The Tulsa Run is on October 30th, and I won't do another long run before then, but my plan is to do the Tulsa Run and then add 4 miles either right after or that evening to be able to use it for training. The week after that is an 18 mile run, I believe. *sigh* I'm not sure what to do and this is stressing me out, along with so many other things in life. Running is supposed to be my release from all of it, not be the problem.

Phoenix AZ; Rock & Roll Marathon!

“Relax, it’s supposed to be fun remember”…that’s what one of my running buddies said. And that’s what I remember trying to remind myself the night before. I was getting REALLY freaked out and super nervous, just because I’d never ran that far before, and how I’d only made is to 20 and not 22 and how….just everything was going through my mind. Trying to sleep the night before was fairly difficult, but I managed to get about 6 hours in, and then of course, race day.
Funny story though, especially for my first marathon – I have a new rule. No matter how close you THINK you are to the start line, plan on being there an HOUR early. Tad, Jerry (driver & friend), and I went to the start line the night before. It took 15 minutes, so we planned for a 20 minute drive and would arrive about 30 minutes before gun time. Ha….funny thing happened. We went to Jefferson and 15th Street. No one was there. Then we thought to ourselves, that it was supposed to be by the Expo Center in Phoenix. Well….after driving around for about 15 minutes FREAKING out, we realized that we were suppose to go to 15th AVENUE not Street. So by the time we realized that, it was 7:30AM (the race started at 7:40). So we get fairly close, but then of course, the streets are closed off. So Tad and I decide to make a run for it. Yep, SMART idea. Let’s SPRINT to the start of my first marathon. I see all the other people running, but in the opposite way, and of course, we have to cross the start line before we can start. And of course, on the way, I end up tripping and falling, scraping my hand and knee. *laughs* Ridiculous, but we made it about 10 minutes after everyone started. My hand was dripping blood, so we scooped up a glove and I wore that until the blood clotted and I still was carrying my banana that I was going to eat before the race started. I started picking pieces of that off once we settled into a pace, and I think that helped to sustain my energy for about 6 -8 miles.

Tad and I actually were okay with starting at the back and coming up on everyone; that way we were constantly passing people. I told him though, that if we had been at the start line when we were supposed to be, then our warm up wouldn’t have been a sprint, more ideal. And….we could have gotten into the corral for 4:30 pace group (my goal). I did well until about mile 15, and then my heart rate started getting too high and I started feeling really tired. So I took an Ultram (pain medication from doctor for swelling), but I think because I didn’t eat anything substantial with it, it made me feel nauseous. Not a great combination. :-(

At mile 16, I made Tad walk while I went to the restroom, and from there on we walked through the water stations. Break it down to smaller achievable distances and I honestly, was just running from water station to water station. I knew as soon as we got there, that I could walk for about a minute and then we’d have to start again. I had said beforehand that as long as I didn’t walk, I was fine, even if I was running a 14 minute mile, I didn’t care, as long as I didn’t walk. The night before though, I decided that water stations were fine. It started getting more and more difficult to begin running after walking though, because by the time I had gotten my pace back up where it should be, there was another water station = walk again.

It’s definitely a mental game. It’s so strange that in training 16 is kind of difficult, 18 is harder and 20 was the farthest I had gone which was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done on my own in training. But having other people around you in the marathon, knowing that you have a goal and that you’re NOT going to quit, no matter how you feel – makes it a LITTLE easier. Not a lot, but a little. I had to start telling myself the negative things that other people had said to me before to help motivate me. “You’re the biggest girl I’ve ever dated” and how many people thought I couldn’t do it.
Water station to water station was what got me through. And I ALMOST cried when I crossed the finish line, almost. Especially when Tad hugged me, I just wanted to fall over. After we figured out how to get to Jerry, with the bagel and orange (and all the other crap), I just laid on the ground for about 20-30 minutes. Everything hurt, shoes off, sun beating down (yes, I DO have tan lines!), and just texting my friends and Facebooking. :-) Can’t forget to inform everyone that I was still alive!
4:43 was my time for my first marathon and although I didn’t make my goal (4:30), I’m still proud of it. I kept it under 5 hours which was my first goal and my Garmin read 10:34 but it has an automatic ‘shutoff’ if I slow down to over 13:00 / mile, so it’s not completely accurate since I walked too. Next time – I’m going to be there even earlier and I’m NOT sprinting to the start line!
Little Rock is the next marathon that I’m scheduled to do and I hear that it’s SUPER hilly – so…..we’re going to be incorporating a LOT more hill training and longer runs. I feel as though I need to get up and do at least one 22 miler before it, just so I feel more confident.
All in all – I’m glad I did it. I accomplished something that most people would never even dream of trying to start AND….I get to put that damn sticker on my car now!

26.2 Been There – Run That

4:43:02 was my time for 26.2 miles. Placed 3719th out of 5965, so I beat about 35% of the other people. 1403rd for females out of 2511, so I beat out 45% of the other girls, and 118th out of 220 for my age division, so I beat about 47% of the other 18-24 year olds!