Some people wonder why I go to the studio so much - they think that I crave negative attention and I have "Daddy" issues.
They are wrong. The truth is that it doesn't matter how old I am, what I do for a living, how much money I make, if I am even happy at the moment - I get to forget all of it. I don't have to think about anything bad in my life, because I can't. I have to focus.
This is my "quiet" time when my body gets to be strong, gets to be beautiful. No one can hurt me then, and everything I do is my choice or my failure. If I fall, it was my fault. If I succeed, it was my doing. Bodies are beautiful and music is inspiring. Nothing more - no issues.
Oh, and they're accepting. Fat/skinny, old/young, tall/short - ALL are welcome.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Monday, September 19, 2011
Hot As H*LL Summer Is Finally Over
This summer was ridiculous - over 100 degrees how many days? Just stupid, stupid hot. I made "rule" when I started running 2 years ago, that I wouldn't even start running if it was over 80F at the beginning. Let's just say.....that many a morning went by and I never even looked at the clock, alarm , nothing, because I knew from the weather forecast the night before, that it wasn't going to even COOL DOWN to 80F.
So....bye May, June....July.....and August too. We're back at mid-September running, that right - 1-2 miles at a time. I am faster though - I am lighter again too. Over the summer, even with no running/working out/yoga, I lost a bit more weight - 127-129 now. I am trying to maintain, no more losing, no more gaining. I like having clothes that fit when I go to the closet, and everything has just not looked "right" for far too long. The wardrobe must be rebuilt.
I didn't do the Full Moon Run back in May and I was a little disappointed in myself, but to be honest - I hardly knew it came and went. Life is so busy, especially on Fridays and Saturdays - and I was okay with not doing the race. I'm sure part of me just didn't want to come to terms with the fact that I would NOT have beat my time from last year - but still.
The same thing is going to come about with the Tulsa Run this year. It shall fall on Halloween weekend again, and I shall not be joining the running ranks. Work in the salon has been incredibly busy, for which I am happy, but that is the first weekend that my partner, Don will not be awake at 3:45AM to put barricades up for the Cherry Street Farmer's Market. Hence = vacation weekend, out of Tulsa = no run.
And you know what? That's okay. There are seasons in running just like there are seasons in life. When I began running, I was so terribly lonely and it bonded me to new friends, new people, and let me out of my shell that I have created around myself. It helped me to feel stronger, more confident and be able to stand up and know that YES, I can do what I set my mind to. (You realize this at mile 26 of 26.2.)
I know I still need to run - the anxiety and stress come down on me sometimes, and honestly, just putting my hair into a ponytail, slipping into a pair of shorts and a sports bra and my favorite ASICS - is the best medicine. Time is still an issue but I will steal the 10, 15, 20 minutes here and there - where ever I can.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Long Time No Run
It's been a while - a long long while.
Well - first news worthy note: I finally weigh less than I did in high school!
Graduating, I weighed 145, now, most days, I weigh 132. I get to wear a size 4 and finally feel small enough to be beautiful.
The good or bad side: I see my clients, friends, family, and everything tells me how much smaller I am - which I THINK is a good thing - but they are all saying it. And asking me how, what did I do, what did I change, is everything okay?
I say "I don't run, I don't workout. I eat bacon, eggs, and toast every morning and ice cream at night."
So what did change? I know I'm in a relationship now, and I know that typically, for me, that is when I'm smallest. Perhaps because I don't sit and just snack all night long. Plus, when you're in a relationship, you get those "other" feel good feelings that you don't need to get from food. And....I suppose we don't eat out very often. My partner is an amazing cook, and as I've come to learn, that cooking at home, WITH oil and butter tastes good and STILL has less calories than most restaurant food. Plus, I don't feel deprived, which is one of the worst feelings ever, at least for me.
So what did change? I know I'm in a relationship now, and I know that typically, for me, that is when I'm smallest. Perhaps because I don't sit and just snack all night long. Plus, when you're in a relationship, you get those "other" feel good feelings that you don't need to get from food. And....I suppose we don't eat out very often. My partner is an amazing cook, and as I've come to learn, that cooking at home, WITH oil and butter tastes good and STILL has less calories than most restaurant food. Plus, I don't feel deprived, which is one of the worst feelings ever, at least for me.
I do want to start running again, doing yoga, working out. I feel "soft". I want to be a strong, sexy woman. Instead, I'm still working for myself in the salon, and now I've also taken another job, as a "office girl" and stressing far more than I need to aka not exercising = more stress and anxiety. I know it's just time set away, importance for myself. Part of it may be that I know that just a year ago, I finished running 26.2 miles, and now.....I can run about a mile, maybe 2. And that's only because I MAKE myself. My knees hurt, my breathing is not amazing, and my sides ache. I'm a beginner again and it makes me sad.
It's strange to me though, that I was able to lose all the weight and not run. That's the whole reason I started to run, to exercise. Yes, it also made me feel good, feel strong, feel healthy, but the ONLY real thing I desired was to be smaller, thinner, sexier. Now I have that, but now I to be strong - will I be able to have both? Or will my quest for strength add back more size than I desire?
Monday, January 3, 2011
Fitness Goals for 2011
For Running-
I want to speed up. This last year I did a 27:30 for my 5K and like 1:27 for the 15K. My half marathon time was disappointment to me, so I would very much like to improve that.
5K - 27:00
half marathon - 2:07, preferably under 2:00
I'm not really sure if a marathon is on my goal for this year. I was supposed to run that in Houston this month, but I have just not been as dedicated and hence, we're doing the half. I need to improve my time from the Route 66's 2:13 that I believe I had, specifically because I added 5 minutes from the previous year's time.
Be healthy -
If losing weight is continued to be in the cards, then so shall it be. I made a chart of my weight from last year, and it's very strange. When I was training for marathons, I actually GAINED weight, and then lost it right after I quit Ihloff and continued. This is the least amount that I have weighed, almost since high school, while still being healthy and strong. I like it. I'd like to continue. :-)
I want to speed up. This last year I did a 27:30 for my 5K and like 1:27 for the 15K. My half marathon time was disappointment to me, so I would very much like to improve that.
5K - 27:00
half marathon - 2:07, preferably under 2:00
I'm not really sure if a marathon is on my goal for this year. I was supposed to run that in Houston this month, but I have just not been as dedicated and hence, we're doing the half. I need to improve my time from the Route 66's 2:13 that I believe I had, specifically because I added 5 minutes from the previous year's time.
Be healthy -
If losing weight is continued to be in the cards, then so shall it be. I made a chart of my weight from last year, and it's very strange. When I was training for marathons, I actually GAINED weight, and then lost it right after I quit Ihloff and continued. This is the least amount that I have weighed, almost since high school, while still being healthy and strong. I like it. I'd like to continue. :-)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Decisions & Questioning My Choices
Today I was scheduled for a 12 mile run. Last week I did 10, and it was pretty difficult miles 7-9, and even the final part. The week before was 8, and I felt great. The week before was 7 and it went well too. Today....I did well, got the first 5.5 out of the way and stopped to make a phone call. (First time ever for this, but had a limited opportunity over the "lunch hour" to take care of an issue.) And then I continued on, and I'm not really sure what happened.
I was eating my Bee Stinger Chomps, so I had the physical energy, although I kept having to circle Riverside to be able to get to the water fountains (which is always annoying). But I got down to 28th, and drank some water, and all of a sudden, I was like, "I don't care, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm done." And I ran back to my car, finishing strong and at 9.6 miles. I still had 2.4 left to go, and at that point, I was even thinking that "Whatever, I can just do the Half at Houston in January."
I've never done this before, that I can remember. Once I say I'm going to DO something, I DO IT. Period, done, no second guessing, no turning back. I was just over it. I was just thinking to myself that I did 3 marathons this year, and my only goal, at all, was to be able to run a marathon by the time I was 30. Obviously, I did that. I did 3 when I was 23. Then of course, once I accomplished that, I thought to myself, that I wanted to be able to qualify for Boston before 30, but honestly - I'm just not that fast, at least not at this point.
I've only been running for about a year and a half, so the fact that I've made it this far and done as much as I have, and ran through my aches, pains, stresses, and life obstacles, is really awesome. And I AM doing really well. I'm not sure why this happened today, but it's just really making me question a lot of other things.
Running used to be the thing I could turn to when I was down. Running is what helps me stay in shape, helps me to feel healthy, helps me to feel sexy and strong. Running used to be what bonded me to others, and granted, I'm the one that has pulled away from everyone, but I'm not sure why. Part of it has to do with the fact that I am in a relationship now, and he did used to run with me, but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't NOT run WITH me, he just doesn't run at all (not like he really ever had to either).
I miss my girl, I miss my old roommate, I miss my previous coworkers. I don't dislike the fact that I bought a house, or that I now work for myself, but there has been a lot of major changes. Running is NOT supposed to be that change. It's always supposed to be there, for me, up and down the hills, through the sun, rain, and snow. Never failing, not the running, and not me either.
But what's the point of doing the marathon in comparison to the half? The half is still quite the push, and that's what I'm doing in November in Tulsa; I had even incorporated it into my marathon training (as well as possible). There's nothing wrong with doing that in Houston either, and if I did do that, then I wouldn't be as exhausted all through December, January, and while I was in Houston and get to spend some NON PAINFUL time with my aunt.
I think the point is that the marathon is the real test. If I don't do it, my other friends Shelley & Shannan ARE going to, and they're going to do AWESOME. And I'll feel disappointed, in myself, that I couldn't or wouldn't do the training to do it with them. But do I really want to?
The way I feel after a 3 mile run is like I'm getting warmed up.
After a 6 mile - feeling really good.
After a 10+ (at least at the moment) - yeah....this is getting long, and I'm tired.
I remember putting in those miles, those footsteps last winter. My 20 mile run, on January 1st, with ice and snow on the ground, I felt like I was ACCOMPLISHING SOMETHING. And I was, I reached over a hurdle that I never thought I would conquer. And when I ran my first marathon in Phoenix and crossed that finish line, that feeling was amazing. Fast forward to 7 weeks later in Little Rock, Arkansas, after those hills and the nausea - I didn't even want to finish, but I did because how the Hell else was I going to get to the finish line where my friends were waiting? And then Oklahoma City, 7 weeks after that, it was just for fun. I had a great run, even sprinted to the finish line, and then - my time was the slowest of all 3.
I'm not really sure what to do. The Tulsa Run is on October 30th, and I won't do another long run before then, but my plan is to do the Tulsa Run and then add 4 miles either right after or that evening to be able to use it for training. The week after that is an 18 mile run, I believe. *sigh* I'm not sure what to do and this is stressing me out, along with so many other things in life. Running is supposed to be my release from all of it, not be the problem.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
NEW Shoes!
So I got some of those "5 finger" shoes and was wearing them around the house and running errands in them for a few days. Today was the first day that I took them out on the road - the running road.
Pros - lightweight
Cons - my calves hurt afterwards
and at one point, I stepped off into the grass to be able to stretch and stepped on some of the sticky things and they hurt my toes because I could feel them!
So....I did a little over 4 miles around a 10:20/mile. It was really windy today too, so I think that slowed me down. We'll try again tomorrow or Saturday hopefully. It is supposed to rain tomorrow, but we'll see.
Sunday is my first scheduled 7 mile run. I did complete the 6 for this week, first time in a long time I've gone "that far". That sounds really sad, me saying that 6 miles is far, especially when just a few MONTHS ago, I was running 20+ miles. Errr....summer heat sucks. Plus, my neighborhood is ridiculously hilly so that sucks too. Oh, well. I'll have strong sexy quads and be able to run even more powerfully fast on the flat Riverside trail.
Pros - lightweight
Cons - my calves hurt afterwards
and at one point, I stepped off into the grass to be able to stretch and stepped on some of the sticky things and they hurt my toes because I could feel them!
So....I did a little over 4 miles around a 10:20/mile. It was really windy today too, so I think that slowed me down. We'll try again tomorrow or Saturday hopefully. It is supposed to rain tomorrow, but we'll see.
Sunday is my first scheduled 7 mile run. I did complete the 6 for this week, first time in a long time I've gone "that far". That sounds really sad, me saying that 6 miles is far, especially when just a few MONTHS ago, I was running 20+ miles. Errr....summer heat sucks. Plus, my neighborhood is ridiculously hilly so that sucks too. Oh, well. I'll have strong sexy quads and be able to run even more powerfully fast on the flat Riverside trail.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
It's Probably Time To Get More Serious Again....
Practice makes perfect. Being able to breathe takes practice. Pounding out the miles takes a toll on your feet, your legs, your body.
I have been so stupidly lazy this summer. Mostly because it was so hot. Well....that's part of it. Another part has just been that I've been busy and lazy. A new man has entered my life and sometimes it's just a lot nicer to not get up at 5:30AM and get out there and encourage pain. A little rest and relaxation never hurt anyone, right?
Wrong. Tulsa Run, 15K is in about 5 weeks, and the farthest I've seriously ran this summer is about 5.5 miles. I need to just about double it, and granted the weather is cooling and that will help with not having to rise with the sun, but I need to take control and do what I need to.
Marathon training has already started, and I'm supposed to have a "solid base" of doing 3 '3 mile runs', 1 '5 mile', & 1 '4 mile' run every week, equaling about 5 runs or 18 miles a week. I'm doing lucky to run 2-3 days a week averaging 10-12 miles a week.
Next Sunday is supposed to be a 7 mile run and we're upping it from there for Houston's marathon training. It's time. The summer has been fun, but I don't want to continue to be lazy. I will only be angry and disappoint myself. I have goals and ambition and don't want things to get in the way of that. Everything is my choice and I can choice to be motivated and do this. Sometimes you just have to sacrifice a little. Which is exactly why not everyone runs marathons, and this is what's going to set me apart.
I have been so stupidly lazy this summer. Mostly because it was so hot. Well....that's part of it. Another part has just been that I've been busy and lazy. A new man has entered my life and sometimes it's just a lot nicer to not get up at 5:30AM and get out there and encourage pain. A little rest and relaxation never hurt anyone, right?
Wrong. Tulsa Run, 15K is in about 5 weeks, and the farthest I've seriously ran this summer is about 5.5 miles. I need to just about double it, and granted the weather is cooling and that will help with not having to rise with the sun, but I need to take control and do what I need to.
Marathon training has already started, and I'm supposed to have a "solid base" of doing 3 '3 mile runs', 1 '5 mile', & 1 '4 mile' run every week, equaling about 5 runs or 18 miles a week. I'm doing lucky to run 2-3 days a week averaging 10-12 miles a week.
Next Sunday is supposed to be a 7 mile run and we're upping it from there for Houston's marathon training. It's time. The summer has been fun, but I don't want to continue to be lazy. I will only be angry and disappoint myself. I have goals and ambition and don't want things to get in the way of that. Everything is my choice and I can choice to be motivated and do this. Sometimes you just have to sacrifice a little. Which is exactly why not everyone runs marathons, and this is what's going to set me apart.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Experimenting & NOT Training
I've discovered something about Oklahoma. It's hot. And that makes it REALLY difficult to run.
I feel lazy, but I am getting up at 6 or 6:30AM some mornings and running. I've had a few more distractions in my life recently (NOT work related for ONCE!) that has been...distracting me, so it's not as "scheduled" as it was before. And you know what? I think I'm actually okay with it.
'Tis summer after all, right? And I'm not training for anything. I made that decision after I decided to not do the 50 mile run in a few weeks. My old roommate (previous roommate, not age-wise) thinks he's still going to attempt it, and I really want to support him, but I'm not sure I can even pace him for 10 miles of it. The farthest I've ran since the OK City's marathon is 9 miles, and that was in the beginning of May.
I decided that I didn't want to train through the heat of summer for any more marathons or any other craziness. So it's been 3-6 miles for me and yoga. I love yoga a lot - it reminds me of dancing. I'm becoming very flexible again and I can feel my legs getting stronger. I notice now when I run that I'm more graceful, extending my legs farther = running faster, which is awesome.
I'm also trying this experiment.
Note #1 - I bought a house.
Note #2 - I have 2 roommates. One is a hippy guy from CA.
So my new roommate has this..."drink". Cayenne pepper, distilled water, and Everclear. Yes, Everclear.
Take a shot of this every morning and it helps to dissolve any blockages in your system and also helps by adjusting your heart rate when it comes to exercise and exertion. I'm not sure yet if it's working. I've only been doing it for about 3 days. But it's also 'Clean Energy', and I would say that one is true, so far. Give me some more time - we shall see.
I feel lazy, but I am getting up at 6 or 6:30AM some mornings and running. I've had a few more distractions in my life recently (NOT work related for ONCE!) that has been...distracting me, so it's not as "scheduled" as it was before. And you know what? I think I'm actually okay with it.
'Tis summer after all, right? And I'm not training for anything. I made that decision after I decided to not do the 50 mile run in a few weeks. My old roommate (previous roommate, not age-wise) thinks he's still going to attempt it, and I really want to support him, but I'm not sure I can even pace him for 10 miles of it. The farthest I've ran since the OK City's marathon is 9 miles, and that was in the beginning of May.
I decided that I didn't want to train through the heat of summer for any more marathons or any other craziness. So it's been 3-6 miles for me and yoga. I love yoga a lot - it reminds me of dancing. I'm becoming very flexible again and I can feel my legs getting stronger. I notice now when I run that I'm more graceful, extending my legs farther = running faster, which is awesome.
I'm also trying this experiment.
Note #1 - I bought a house.
Note #2 - I have 2 roommates. One is a hippy guy from CA.
So my new roommate has this..."drink". Cayenne pepper, distilled water, and Everclear. Yes, Everclear.
Take a shot of this every morning and it helps to dissolve any blockages in your system and also helps by adjusting your heart rate when it comes to exercise and exertion. I'm not sure yet if it's working. I've only been doing it for about 3 days. But it's also 'Clean Energy', and I would say that one is true, so far. Give me some more time - we shall see.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Laying It All Out There - Honesty Time
Late night snacking, watching TV, being bored....those are my downfalls, my weaknesses. Exercise is not the problem, at leaset not in amount or time spent. Intensity, perhaps sometimes, but I'm lucky right now. I have no children, no pets, heck, I don't even have a boyfriend. I work Wednesday night through Sunday and have plenty of time to go to classes, run, and workout at the gym.
So exercise isn't the problem, I can burn calories. I just need to not intake SO many calories that I can't burn through them.
The worst part? I typically watch TV, specifically The Biggest Loser tv show and eat dinner, snacks...and crap.
It's funny. I won't even allow myself to buy boxes of cookies, candy, chips, fast food, any of that crap.
I was a vegetarian for almost 2 years, partly because I was trying to lose weight.
I ran a MARATHON to try to lose weight.
I sweat, I calculate, and I hide. I watch this TV show and it makes these contestants realize what it is that's hiding behind their eating habits, what they're fearing.
I know a lot of my problem is boredom. Stress probably comes next. I don't really like to talk about issues that I have with situations or other people, because I don't want to feel as though I'm complaining, and I dislike confrontation. So instead, I bury the negative thoughts deep in my mind, and eat something sweet. Sugar makes everything better. For a very short period of time.
Honestly, I think my biggest issue or perhaps...fear is the right way to describe it. I never had a problem with weight when I was a child, I was a toothpick. My family always called me the garbage disposer because I could PUT SOME FOOD AWAY! I was so tiny, until 8th grade. That's when I started to develop some serious curves. I never wore a size 0, 2, or even a 4. And to be frank, I never wanted to. I didn't know that I was 'supposed' to. I didn't know that was believed to be 'beautiful' or the 'perfect size'. I was athletic, curvy, pretty and believed in myself.
Until men entered the picture. They were very attracted to me, and I started to feel that the only thing I had to offer them was my physical appearance. It didn't matter how I felt, what I said, or what was real on the inside. Men look at very few things in the first 5 seconds they meet you - period, end of story.
I'm sure it didn't help that a million years ago, when I was married (yes; young, dumb, and stupid) my husband told me that if I was to get fat, he would divorce me. I so wanted to be beautiful for him, and never felt like I was good enough. I would try everything I knew and even things I didn't know. Some of the experiments were probably healthier than others too.
Beauty school was probably the rock bottom, and then dissolving of another relationship with a man that I deeply cared for. I just kept thinking that if I was smaller, he would love me, he would want me. Because in my mind, men want woman that are thin, pretty. I finally figured out how to lose weight, but in a very unhealthy way.
Eating, no eating, eating disorders are a very difficult thing to deal with. Your mind is so obsessed with food at every moment, it just takes control of you. When you look in the mirror, you don't see someone beautiful, you don't see colorful, bright eyes, a pretty smile, good skin. You see tears, frown, broken blood vessels, and pale skin. You begin to distance yourself from everyone because food is a necessity of life, and your friends, family they attempt to bring food into your life. You push them away, making yourself even more alone than before, the only one you can count on. The only thing you have control over, complete control.
There is one thing I have no control over, and I have to relinquish the desire for it. One thing I learned when I was younger, women want to marry their father. Men, when they're dating - look at the girl's mother to see how she will turn out. For better or worse. And as right or wrong as it is, and I know that it's not right, and I'm sorry - but I don't want to turn out like my mother, nor do I want to look like her. I have watched her throughout my whole life, struggle with her weight. Always on one diet or another, never putting herself first, always living for her children, her husband, her relatives, her community, never doing what she needed to do to take care of herself.
It bothers me so much, it hurts so much inside when I see her and I realize that most likely, MOST LIKELY, she's NOT going to be there if/when I have grandchildren. She was diagnosed with cancer last year, and because she was so overweight, they wouldn't do surgery on her. They put her through chemotheraphy instead, with my father beside her every single time. She's in remission now, but she needs to focus on herself and her health for once.
I don't want to be like that. I want to be happy, I want to love myself. I want to love someone else, to have a family perhaps, if that's what's in the cards. I want to be able to stand in front of the mirror and be confident with who is looking back at me, to see the light shining from within, like it used to, before other type of thoughts consumed me.
Boredom - read a book.
Stress - do some yoga. Talk to a friend.
Fear - discover who I am, who the real me is. Understand that I am beautiful just the way I am.
I am scared though, I became SO obsessed after dating one guy that, once again, told me that I was the biggest girl he ever dated. Why people say cruel things like that, or like the kids in high school did, I will never know. They have no right, just as I don't either, to judge others. We all do, regardless if it's appropriate. I don't want to be fat. I just want to be beautiful. And I wish sometimes, that I could see what other people see. Perhaps one day.
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And perhaps I purposely sabotage myself because if I would allow myself to look like I used to, then maybe, for the first time in over 2 years, someone would become interested, a relationship would follow, and then more hurt would occur once the relationship dissolved. *sad smile* I "happily" say that I'm single, but the truth is that yes, while I enjoy doing exactly what I want, whenever I want, however I want...there is something so amazingly special about finding someone you can connect with, have good chemistry with, and share similiary core values and morals. And see, if I don't allow anyone to get close, then they can't hurt me. Sounds perfectly reasonable, right? A little ridiculous, but it's the perfect shield I suppose. If you don't open the door, no one can come inside. Unfortunately - there are still windows.
So exercise isn't the problem, I can burn calories. I just need to not intake SO many calories that I can't burn through them.
The worst part? I typically watch TV, specifically The Biggest Loser tv show and eat dinner, snacks...and crap.
It's funny. I won't even allow myself to buy boxes of cookies, candy, chips, fast food, any of that crap.
I was a vegetarian for almost 2 years, partly because I was trying to lose weight.
I ran a MARATHON to try to lose weight.
I sweat, I calculate, and I hide. I watch this TV show and it makes these contestants realize what it is that's hiding behind their eating habits, what they're fearing.
I know a lot of my problem is boredom. Stress probably comes next. I don't really like to talk about issues that I have with situations or other people, because I don't want to feel as though I'm complaining, and I dislike confrontation. So instead, I bury the negative thoughts deep in my mind, and eat something sweet. Sugar makes everything better. For a very short period of time.
Honestly, I think my biggest issue or perhaps...fear is the right way to describe it. I never had a problem with weight when I was a child, I was a toothpick. My family always called me the garbage disposer because I could PUT SOME FOOD AWAY! I was so tiny, until 8th grade. That's when I started to develop some serious curves. I never wore a size 0, 2, or even a 4. And to be frank, I never wanted to. I didn't know that I was 'supposed' to. I didn't know that was believed to be 'beautiful' or the 'perfect size'. I was athletic, curvy, pretty and believed in myself.
Until men entered the picture. They were very attracted to me, and I started to feel that the only thing I had to offer them was my physical appearance. It didn't matter how I felt, what I said, or what was real on the inside. Men look at very few things in the first 5 seconds they meet you - period, end of story.
I'm sure it didn't help that a million years ago, when I was married (yes; young, dumb, and stupid) my husband told me that if I was to get fat, he would divorce me. I so wanted to be beautiful for him, and never felt like I was good enough. I would try everything I knew and even things I didn't know. Some of the experiments were probably healthier than others too.
Beauty school was probably the rock bottom, and then dissolving of another relationship with a man that I deeply cared for. I just kept thinking that if I was smaller, he would love me, he would want me. Because in my mind, men want woman that are thin, pretty. I finally figured out how to lose weight, but in a very unhealthy way.
Eating, no eating, eating disorders are a very difficult thing to deal with. Your mind is so obsessed with food at every moment, it just takes control of you. When you look in the mirror, you don't see someone beautiful, you don't see colorful, bright eyes, a pretty smile, good skin. You see tears, frown, broken blood vessels, and pale skin. You begin to distance yourself from everyone because food is a necessity of life, and your friends, family they attempt to bring food into your life. You push them away, making yourself even more alone than before, the only one you can count on. The only thing you have control over, complete control.
There is one thing I have no control over, and I have to relinquish the desire for it. One thing I learned when I was younger, women want to marry their father. Men, when they're dating - look at the girl's mother to see how she will turn out. For better or worse. And as right or wrong as it is, and I know that it's not right, and I'm sorry - but I don't want to turn out like my mother, nor do I want to look like her. I have watched her throughout my whole life, struggle with her weight. Always on one diet or another, never putting herself first, always living for her children, her husband, her relatives, her community, never doing what she needed to do to take care of herself.
It bothers me so much, it hurts so much inside when I see her and I realize that most likely, MOST LIKELY, she's NOT going to be there if/when I have grandchildren. She was diagnosed with cancer last year, and because she was so overweight, they wouldn't do surgery on her. They put her through chemotheraphy instead, with my father beside her every single time. She's in remission now, but she needs to focus on herself and her health for once.
I don't want to be like that. I want to be happy, I want to love myself. I want to love someone else, to have a family perhaps, if that's what's in the cards. I want to be able to stand in front of the mirror and be confident with who is looking back at me, to see the light shining from within, like it used to, before other type of thoughts consumed me.
Boredom - read a book.
Stress - do some yoga. Talk to a friend.
Fear - discover who I am, who the real me is. Understand that I am beautiful just the way I am.
I am scared though, I became SO obsessed after dating one guy that, once again, told me that I was the biggest girl he ever dated. Why people say cruel things like that, or like the kids in high school did, I will never know. They have no right, just as I don't either, to judge others. We all do, regardless if it's appropriate. I don't want to be fat. I just want to be beautiful. And I wish sometimes, that I could see what other people see. Perhaps one day.
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And perhaps I purposely sabotage myself because if I would allow myself to look like I used to, then maybe, for the first time in over 2 years, someone would become interested, a relationship would follow, and then more hurt would occur once the relationship dissolved. *sad smile* I "happily" say that I'm single, but the truth is that yes, while I enjoy doing exactly what I want, whenever I want, however I want...there is something so amazingly special about finding someone you can connect with, have good chemistry with, and share similiary core values and morals. And see, if I don't allow anyone to get close, then they can't hurt me. Sounds perfectly reasonable, right? A little ridiculous, but it's the perfect shield I suppose. If you don't open the door, no one can come inside. Unfortunately - there are still windows.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Full Moon Run
So I've been stuck a bit. Up and down about 5 pounds for a while now, with the exception of that crazy HCG diet week.
Honestly - I've been lazier. Not as crazy about getting my miles in, getting to classes, calculating every single calorie, allowing myself to have an alcoholic drink. Lazy I suppose equals living life.
Strangeness though - my self confidence is increasing, most of the time. I'm allowing myself to actually socialize with other people and not be so insecure about how I look or my weight not being where it should be. I think for a long time, I was waiting on living life until I achieved this goal, and so I wouldn't allow myself to do anything fun in the meantime.
I've discovered I love yoga. Power Yoga with Keri at Gold's is so hard, but it's so good or my mind, my body, my soul. I started taking yoga at Inner Peace when I can, and even though physically, it's not as hard, it's still great for the rest of me.
I did the Full Moon 5K run last Saturday and ended up taking off almost a full SIX MINUTES off last year's time. 27:30 is the fastest I've ever done a 5K, so I'm SUPER proud of that. I actually saw one of my guy friends beforehand and told him that my goal was for getting below 29. He told me "I've seen your training runs, I know you can run faster than that. You can get like 27." So we 'bartered' back and forth, and he helped me set my watch to make sure that I could check on it while I was running.
Last night I went to the TU Track speed interval workouts. I told the man in charge how fast I did the Full Moon Run, so he put me in the group he thought best, "5" I think. We ran a 1200, 1000, 800, 600, and 400. Each time we ran the different distances, we sped up, with a 200 meter recovery in between each distance. In the 400, I pushed myself up to where I had on Saturday night the last .2 of the mile, heartrate was at 94%. Ridiculous! I looked down and the fastest my Garmin said was 6:53/mile - that's REALLY awesome, especially for me!
So...I'm enjoying running a bit faster and not longer. I do have a few requests to be a pacer for that crazy 50 mile run, which I said I didn't want to do. 2 different people, so that would be 20.6 miles for me. *rolls eyes* I thought I was going to get out of training for long distances this summer.....
Honestly - I've been lazier. Not as crazy about getting my miles in, getting to classes, calculating every single calorie, allowing myself to have an alcoholic drink. Lazy I suppose equals living life.
Strangeness though - my self confidence is increasing, most of the time. I'm allowing myself to actually socialize with other people and not be so insecure about how I look or my weight not being where it should be. I think for a long time, I was waiting on living life until I achieved this goal, and so I wouldn't allow myself to do anything fun in the meantime.
I've discovered I love yoga. Power Yoga with Keri at Gold's is so hard, but it's so good or my mind, my body, my soul. I started taking yoga at Inner Peace when I can, and even though physically, it's not as hard, it's still great for the rest of me.
I did the Full Moon 5K run last Saturday and ended up taking off almost a full SIX MINUTES off last year's time. 27:30 is the fastest I've ever done a 5K, so I'm SUPER proud of that. I actually saw one of my guy friends beforehand and told him that my goal was for getting below 29. He told me "I've seen your training runs, I know you can run faster than that. You can get like 27." So we 'bartered' back and forth, and he helped me set my watch to make sure that I could check on it while I was running.
Last night I went to the TU Track speed interval workouts. I told the man in charge how fast I did the Full Moon Run, so he put me in the group he thought best, "5" I think. We ran a 1200, 1000, 800, 600, and 400. Each time we ran the different distances, we sped up, with a 200 meter recovery in between each distance. In the 400, I pushed myself up to where I had on Saturday night the last .2 of the mile, heartrate was at 94%. Ridiculous! I looked down and the fastest my Garmin said was 6:53/mile - that's REALLY awesome, especially for me!
So...I'm enjoying running a bit faster and not longer. I do have a few requests to be a pacer for that crazy 50 mile run, which I said I didn't want to do. 2 different people, so that would be 20.6 miles for me. *rolls eyes* I thought I was going to get out of training for long distances this summer.....
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Another Marathon Down & Dieting Disaster
OKC's marathon - 4:55:14 I believe is my time. 3rd marathon in 4 months. It was a beautiful day, a little windy, and a bit TOO EARLY in my opinion to start. I say that of course, because I was cold when I started, but by 11:30 when I was finishing, I was plenty warm. Plenty!
This one...actually wasn't too bad. I ran with Tad, my roommate for the first 6 miles. He headed off to the bathroom though, so I ended up losing him between 6 and 20. He found another couple girls to run with, so they ended up passing me later on with her.
I'm not really sure WHAT was going through my head this whole race - I was just kind of in my own little world, watching people, not really thinking about anything in particular. I met one nice man that said that me dancing along to my music was keeping him motivated. :-) That made me feel pretty special, I love the idea that I have helped someone else accomplish something.
I feel like I had a great race, there was A LOT of water stations, and I usually walk through them because it's easier to drink out of those cups, but this time, I started skipping some of them, just because I didn't want to go over 5 hours in time. I was really proud though, that at the end, I could still run all out the final .2 of the mile to the finish line, under a 9:00/mile at one point when I glanced down at my Garmin. :-) Super stoked about that.
So I tried that diet....yeah, no. Didn't happen. I lasted for about 5 days, on a 500 calorie diet. I lost 9 pounds, which is awesome, but I had 0% energy level too. I was sleeping at least 8 hours every single night, usually 10. I tried to run, 3 times. The first time was the day after the marathon, which I've never tried before (just to see if I could do it and I COULD!) and I did about 5.5. The next run was 3 miles, and I was pretty exhausted afterwards. I did a "light" Power Yoga class, and some lifting on my own and went through those workouts by myself. Then I tried again to run another 3 mile run, and 3 miles to me is a warm-up. By the end of mile 2, I HAD to stop to just get my heart rate back down, and I felt like I was going to pass out by the time I got home. So I decided after the girls out south told me that I looked really sad, never laughing, that I was going to discontinue that craziness.
Later, I talked with one of my clients that had done it, and she said that it sounded like I wasn't using a good form of HCG (the hormone for energy)....so she said if I decided to try it again, to call her and she would get me the one she uses and loves.
This one...actually wasn't too bad. I ran with Tad, my roommate for the first 6 miles. He headed off to the bathroom though, so I ended up losing him between 6 and 20. He found another couple girls to run with, so they ended up passing me later on with her.
I'm not really sure WHAT was going through my head this whole race - I was just kind of in my own little world, watching people, not really thinking about anything in particular. I met one nice man that said that me dancing along to my music was keeping him motivated. :-) That made me feel pretty special, I love the idea that I have helped someone else accomplish something.
I feel like I had a great race, there was A LOT of water stations, and I usually walk through them because it's easier to drink out of those cups, but this time, I started skipping some of them, just because I didn't want to go over 5 hours in time. I was really proud though, that at the end, I could still run all out the final .2 of the mile to the finish line, under a 9:00/mile at one point when I glanced down at my Garmin. :-) Super stoked about that.
So I tried that diet....yeah, no. Didn't happen. I lasted for about 5 days, on a 500 calorie diet. I lost 9 pounds, which is awesome, but I had 0% energy level too. I was sleeping at least 8 hours every single night, usually 10. I tried to run, 3 times. The first time was the day after the marathon, which I've never tried before (just to see if I could do it and I COULD!) and I did about 5.5. The next run was 3 miles, and I was pretty exhausted afterwards. I did a "light" Power Yoga class, and some lifting on my own and went through those workouts by myself. Then I tried again to run another 3 mile run, and 3 miles to me is a warm-up. By the end of mile 2, I HAD to stop to just get my heart rate back down, and I felt like I was going to pass out by the time I got home. So I decided after the girls out south told me that I looked really sad, never laughing, that I was going to discontinue that craziness.
Later, I talked with one of my clients that had done it, and she said that it sounded like I wasn't using a good form of HCG (the hormone for energy)....so she said if I decided to try it again, to call her and she would get me the one she uses and loves.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Soon - It Shall Be Over
Sunday is OKC's marathon. My 3rd marathon in 4 months. I am over it. I am tired. I want my LIFE back!
My roommate, Tad and I went out and ran 19 miles last Thursday. So far I've done a 16 and 19 mile run between Little Rock's and OKC's. Hopefully that's enough. If not, I suppose it's all mental anyways right? :-( I will probably be hating myself Sunday about 11AM, but oh well.
I wonder what I'm going to do after this....actually, I am excited because I'm going to try a new 'diet'. Something that's supposed to 'reset' my metabolism; we'll see if it works. I would love to see that high school figure one more time. I've come to the conclusion that I look pretty good now, but as a woman we always strive to look like the models in the fashion magazines. Although, it's funny, that's not what men want anyways, so why do we push for that? How silly we are.
Life is going to happen - soon!
My roommate, Tad and I went out and ran 19 miles last Thursday. So far I've done a 16 and 19 mile run between Little Rock's and OKC's. Hopefully that's enough. If not, I suppose it's all mental anyways right? :-( I will probably be hating myself Sunday about 11AM, but oh well.
I wonder what I'm going to do after this....actually, I am excited because I'm going to try a new 'diet'. Something that's supposed to 'reset' my metabolism; we'll see if it works. I would love to see that high school figure one more time. I've come to the conclusion that I look pretty good now, but as a woman we always strive to look like the models in the fashion magazines. Although, it's funny, that's not what men want anyways, so why do we push for that? How silly we are.
Life is going to happen - soon!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
First Long Run Since Little Rock's Marathon
I'm Back!
After Easter dinner and eating WAY too many calories, AND taking a 2.5 hour nap....I decided that it was time for some 'Me" time.
I have been very tired since Little Rock's marathon. I have just been 'over' running and have seriously considered NOT doing OKC's marathon. I've still been going to the gym a lot and have even joined a yoga studio to do yoga an extra 2 times a week, after work on the weekends. I have really been wanting to do Yoga at least twice, Pump class at least once, and spin class more. So I've still been very active, but up until yesterday, I hadn't run farther than a little over 7 miles.
I had been having a few knee problems again, and I went and bought new shoes (the same kind I had 2 pairs ago). I decided to not buy the inserts that I had for them the first time around, but I ended up returning after 2 runs to spend the extra $40 to relieve the strange way my foot was feeling.
So I became proud of myself again after accomplishing a 16 mile run at a 10:52 pace. My first 'really long run' for the last month. I want to do a 10-12 mile run this Thursday and then I have an 18-19 mile scheduled for next week. I am back on track!!!
After Easter dinner and eating WAY too many calories, AND taking a 2.5 hour nap....I decided that it was time for some 'Me" time.
I have been very tired since Little Rock's marathon. I have just been 'over' running and have seriously considered NOT doing OKC's marathon. I've still been going to the gym a lot and have even joined a yoga studio to do yoga an extra 2 times a week, after work on the weekends. I have really been wanting to do Yoga at least twice, Pump class at least once, and spin class more. So I've still been very active, but up until yesterday, I hadn't run farther than a little over 7 miles.
I had been having a few knee problems again, and I went and bought new shoes (the same kind I had 2 pairs ago). I decided to not buy the inserts that I had for them the first time around, but I ended up returning after 2 runs to spend the extra $40 to relieve the strange way my foot was feeling.
So I became proud of myself again after accomplishing a 16 mile run at a 10:52 pace. My first 'really long run' for the last month. I want to do a 10-12 mile run this Thursday and then I have an 18-19 mile scheduled for next week. I am back on track!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
How to Calculate Your Calorie Intake
I found this at http://www.healthandfitnessadvice.com/fitness-tips/calculate-your-basal-metabolic-rate.html
I don’t believe in counting calories in order to restrict caloric intake. Rather I promote caloric awareness in the effort to get people to realize that they usually don’t eat enough food, not that they eat too much.
Calculating your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is quite simple. Here’s the formula.
Convert weight in pounds to kilograms by dividing by 2.2.
Convert height in inches to centimeters by multiplying by 2.54.
Plug in kilograms and centimeters where appropriate in the following formulas. The numbers that result the calculations are the calories that you need in a day to maintain current body weight with little or no exercise.
Daily Resting Energy Expenditure Formula for Males
66 + (13.7 X kilograms) + (5.0 X centimeters) – (6.8 X years)
Daily Resting Energy Expenditure Formula for Females
665 + (9.6 X kilograms) + (1.85 X centimeters) – (4.7 X years)
Let’s use the example of a 38-year old woman who stands 5’ 3” and weighs 125-pounds. Here are the calculations.
665 + 559 + 296 =1520
1520 – 179 = 1341 needed per day just to maintain without any additional energy expenditure.
Note the emphasis that 1341 calories are need just to maintain the status quo if this woman were just to sit around doing nothing during her waking hours. To approximate the true daily caloric requirement taking into account activity level we can use the Harris-Benedict Formula, which applies a factor to the BMR. Here are the factors according to activity level.
Sedentary = BMR X 1.2 (little or no exercise, desk job)
Lightly active = BMR X 1.375 (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/wk)
Moderately active = BMR X 1.55 (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/wk)
Very active = BMR X 1.725 (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days/wk)
Extra active = BMR X 1.9 (hard daily exercise/sports & physical job or 2X day training, i.e marathon, contest etc.)
Using the above example, apply the Moderately Active factor to the BMR of this working mother of three children who trains at least as hard as specified in this category.
1341 x 1.55 = 2078
I can guarantee that 99% of the women who fit the description of the example do not get anywhere near 2100 calories per day. I’ll also wager that of these women, most are engaged in a regular struggle to lose 5-10-pounds, and do so by restricting rather than adding calories. And keep in mind that these calculations under estimate the requirements for people are either very fit or very fat.
So calculate your BMR and gain an appreciation for how many calories are needed in a day to fuel your body.
I don’t believe in counting calories in order to restrict caloric intake. Rather I promote caloric awareness in the effort to get people to realize that they usually don’t eat enough food, not that they eat too much.
Calculating your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is quite simple. Here’s the formula.
Convert weight in pounds to kilograms by dividing by 2.2.
Convert height in inches to centimeters by multiplying by 2.54.
Plug in kilograms and centimeters where appropriate in the following formulas. The numbers that result the calculations are the calories that you need in a day to maintain current body weight with little or no exercise.
Daily Resting Energy Expenditure Formula for Males
66 + (13.7 X kilograms) + (5.0 X centimeters) – (6.8 X years)
Daily Resting Energy Expenditure Formula for Females
665 + (9.6 X kilograms) + (1.85 X centimeters) – (4.7 X years)
Let’s use the example of a 38-year old woman who stands 5’ 3” and weighs 125-pounds. Here are the calculations.
665 + 559 + 296 =1520
1520 – 179 = 1341 needed per day just to maintain without any additional energy expenditure.
Note the emphasis that 1341 calories are need just to maintain the status quo if this woman were just to sit around doing nothing during her waking hours. To approximate the true daily caloric requirement taking into account activity level we can use the Harris-Benedict Formula, which applies a factor to the BMR. Here are the factors according to activity level.
Sedentary = BMR X 1.2 (little or no exercise, desk job)
Lightly active = BMR X 1.375 (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/wk)
Moderately active = BMR X 1.55 (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/wk)
Very active = BMR X 1.725 (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days/wk)
Extra active = BMR X 1.9 (hard daily exercise/sports & physical job or 2X day training, i.e marathon, contest etc.)
Using the above example, apply the Moderately Active factor to the BMR of this working mother of three children who trains at least as hard as specified in this category.
1341 x 1.55 = 2078
I can guarantee that 99% of the women who fit the description of the example do not get anywhere near 2100 calories per day. I’ll also wager that of these women, most are engaged in a regular struggle to lose 5-10-pounds, and do so by restricting rather than adding calories. And keep in mind that these calculations under estimate the requirements for people are either very fit or very fat.
So calculate your BMR and gain an appreciation for how many calories are needed in a day to fuel your body.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Little Rock Marathon Rundown
We left Saturday from work, about 12:30 and made it to the Expo about 5PM. Shelley, Shanan (her hubby) and Lynn (another girl friend) and I got everything taken care of and were going to stay together at Shelley's dad's house.
We all went out to dinner, PASTA night and then came back and got everything laid out for in the morning. I actually TRIED to go to bed about 9:30, 10 o'lclock, but I just laid in bed. Different scenarios of the race playing through my mind, what if I forgot something? What if I crashed? I slept pretty fitfully, waking up at 2AM, thinking that it was time to get up to get ready. I tried to sleep more, waking up with my alarm right before 6AM.
I got up, showered just to wake up, got ready and excited that I actually had a "buddy" to get ready with - Lynn. (She's ran like 9 marathons.) Hot tea, oatmeal, banana in hand and we jump in the vehicle and head down to the race. I think I went to the bathroom about 4 million times before we even got to the race line. We had ordered a "Perks package" and so we were able to get in to get little bagels/bananas/goos/coffee/etc. I probably could have gotten a massage too, but....I didn't want to wait in line.
Tad, Shanan, Lynn, Shelley and I all lined up together in our little group and gave each other Good Luck and hugs. :-) And then we were off!
Tad, Shanan, and Lynn all stayed together for a while, but they run faster than Shelley and I, so we stayed together. We ran through Little Rock with Shelley pointing out different places that she went to school, daycare, friend's houses, and so on. We stop at mile 10, use the restroom and continue on. Shelley and I walk through almost every water station, since trying to drink out of those little paper cups and running is just ridiculously funny. :-)
We run through people singing, saying my name (it's beside my number), and eating the goodies they've put out (the animal crackers were my favorite!). The hills were 13-16 and yes, they were trying, but I knew they were coming. I made it through, bounding down them as usual and then waiting for Shelley to make it back up to me. Then the next step was the 'out and back' - that never seemed to end.
We stopped and got water and then at mile 22 stopped again to use the restroom. Stupid me decided to take some ibProfen to help the cramping in my legs. But on an empty stomach....not a good combination. I immediately felt naseous and knew that I made a mistake.
Shelley and I saw the 4:45 group leaving the water stop and I really wanted to stay with them, so we hung on for about .5 mile. But by this point, they were just going too fast for me to stay with them. Shelley and I stayed together for about another .5 mile and I'm glad that she went on without me. I had to walk a little bit, specifically up the HUGE hills at mile 24 and 25. From mile 22 on, it was definetly NOT as fun -run/walking more than I would have liked. At about mile 25, there was a "lipstick station", where you could 'touch up your makeup' before your photo finish.
Mile 26.2 was accomplished with a time of 4:58:00. I was tired, quads cramping and hungry. I was pretty disappointed with myself, because I really didn't want to take longer than my last one, but....it's okay.
I went over a few things, and I've determined that at certain times of the month, especially if a race is near, my iron intake needs to go up. Although I probably need to look over my multi-vitamin to see if it includes 100% of what I need with the iron.
I need to NOT do as many long runs before my upcoming marathon. Phoenix and Little Rock were only 7 weeks apart and I did a 18, 21, 16, 13, and a couple other longer runs in that period of time. I think this time, I'm going to do just a 18 and 22 mile long runs.
I also think that OKC's marathon will be my last marathon for a while. I'm looking forward to the Full Moon Cafe's 5K in May - one year from the time I began running last year. Let's see how fast I can do it! :-) Then I think that I'll do the Tulsa Run again and Route 66 Half marathon (once again, a full year later, to see how much I can improve my time). Shelley talked about wanting to do Houston's marathon in January; she says it's flat, so I'll probably join in that one as well.
We'll just see what happens.....
We all went out to dinner, PASTA night and then came back and got everything laid out for in the morning. I actually TRIED to go to bed about 9:30, 10 o'lclock, but I just laid in bed. Different scenarios of the race playing through my mind, what if I forgot something? What if I crashed? I slept pretty fitfully, waking up at 2AM, thinking that it was time to get up to get ready. I tried to sleep more, waking up with my alarm right before 6AM.
I got up, showered just to wake up, got ready and excited that I actually had a "buddy" to get ready with - Lynn. (She's ran like 9 marathons.) Hot tea, oatmeal, banana in hand and we jump in the vehicle and head down to the race. I think I went to the bathroom about 4 million times before we even got to the race line. We had ordered a "Perks package" and so we were able to get in to get little bagels/bananas/goos/coffee/etc. I probably could have gotten a massage too, but....I didn't want to wait in line.
Tad, Shanan, Lynn, Shelley and I all lined up together in our little group and gave each other Good Luck and hugs. :-) And then we were off!
Tad, Shanan, and Lynn all stayed together for a while, but they run faster than Shelley and I, so we stayed together. We ran through Little Rock with Shelley pointing out different places that she went to school, daycare, friend's houses, and so on. We stop at mile 10, use the restroom and continue on. Shelley and I walk through almost every water station, since trying to drink out of those little paper cups and running is just ridiculously funny. :-)
We run through people singing, saying my name (it's beside my number), and eating the goodies they've put out (the animal crackers were my favorite!). The hills were 13-16 and yes, they were trying, but I knew they were coming. I made it through, bounding down them as usual and then waiting for Shelley to make it back up to me. Then the next step was the 'out and back' - that never seemed to end.
We stopped and got water and then at mile 22 stopped again to use the restroom. Stupid me decided to take some ibProfen to help the cramping in my legs. But on an empty stomach....not a good combination. I immediately felt naseous and knew that I made a mistake.
Shelley and I saw the 4:45 group leaving the water stop and I really wanted to stay with them, so we hung on for about .5 mile. But by this point, they were just going too fast for me to stay with them. Shelley and I stayed together for about another .5 mile and I'm glad that she went on without me. I had to walk a little bit, specifically up the HUGE hills at mile 24 and 25. From mile 22 on, it was definetly NOT as fun -run/walking more than I would have liked. At about mile 25, there was a "lipstick station", where you could 'touch up your makeup' before your photo finish.
Mile 26.2 was accomplished with a time of 4:58:00. I was tired, quads cramping and hungry. I was pretty disappointed with myself, because I really didn't want to take longer than my last one, but....it's okay.
I went over a few things, and I've determined that at certain times of the month, especially if a race is near, my iron intake needs to go up. Although I probably need to look over my multi-vitamin to see if it includes 100% of what I need with the iron.
I need to NOT do as many long runs before my upcoming marathon. Phoenix and Little Rock were only 7 weeks apart and I did a 18, 21, 16, 13, and a couple other longer runs in that period of time. I think this time, I'm going to do just a 18 and 22 mile long runs.
I also think that OKC's marathon will be my last marathon for a while. I'm looking forward to the Full Moon Cafe's 5K in May - one year from the time I began running last year. Let's see how fast I can do it! :-) Then I think that I'll do the Tulsa Run again and Route 66 Half marathon (once again, a full year later, to see how much I can improve my time). Shelley talked about wanting to do Houston's marathon in January; she says it's flat, so I'll probably join in that one as well.
We'll just see what happens.....
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Gearing Up For 2nd Marathon
Little Rock is Sunday - and I'm NERVOUS. I hear it's a very hilly route. Hills aren't my favorite at any time and 26.2 miles of hills does not sound like a good time. :-(
I'm totally doing this for my girl, Shelley. I've trained to 21 miles a few weeks ago, with some hills incorporated, but....I just know how much it hurts now. Last time I was nervous excited. Now it's different. I KNOW what to expect, and I KNOW how much it hurts and I'm kind of dreading it. I sure hope that I feel as accomplished after this one as I did the first one. Before I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it - this time, honestly I just want to be able to keep up with my girl. She says we're in it together though!
Tomorrow I'll run just 2-3 easy miles. I've noticed that on my shorter runs, I'm definetly picking up the speed. I have to be careful though, so I don't hurt my knees. I have noticed that Pump Class is helping to strengthen my quads so my knees haven't been hurting as much.
Wish me luck!
I'm totally doing this for my girl, Shelley. I've trained to 21 miles a few weeks ago, with some hills incorporated, but....I just know how much it hurts now. Last time I was nervous excited. Now it's different. I KNOW what to expect, and I KNOW how much it hurts and I'm kind of dreading it. I sure hope that I feel as accomplished after this one as I did the first one. Before I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it - this time, honestly I just want to be able to keep up with my girl. She says we're in it together though!
Tomorrow I'll run just 2-3 easy miles. I've noticed that on my shorter runs, I'm definetly picking up the speed. I have to be careful though, so I don't hurt my knees. I have noticed that Pump Class is helping to strengthen my quads so my knees haven't been hurting as much.
Wish me luck!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monthly Mileage
140.49 out of 150. Not bad, almost there.
The next marathon is Sunday. 2nd one before the year is up that I began running. There are still a few areas in my life that I need to work on and some changes that I'm making, but all in due time.
The next marathon is Sunday. 2nd one before the year is up that I began running. There are still a few areas in my life that I need to work on and some changes that I'm making, but all in due time.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Running, Biking, & Knee Pain
Tuesday, February 9th - Yoga class and then 4 miles at an average pace of 10:20, treadmill
Wednesday, February 10th - Day off!!!
Thursday, February 11th - Some lifting at the gym and warmed up on the elliptical.
Friday, February 12th - 8 miles, averaging 9:56 outside
Saturday, February 13th - My knee has been bothering me, so I cycled 15 miles on the bike at the gym.
Sunday, February 14th - 3.23 miles at a 10:42 pace outside. Trying to slow down because my knee does hurt pretty bad from last week's race.
Monday, February 15th - Treadmill run of 5 miles at an average of 10:20 pace. I don't like the treadmill much. But it gets dark so early STILL. And my knee still hurts.
Tuesday, February 16th - Yoga and 5 miles cycling on the inside bike
Wednesday, February 17th - 5.05 miles with Jeanean, outside at Grace averaging 10:35 pace. It felt slow, but we had a good chat and I need to save my knee. It still hurts. And I have 20-21 miles ahead of me tomorrow. Last long run before Arkansas Little Rock Marathon in 3 weeks! I need to slow it down a little; I think that's why my knee is sore. And IBProfen is my friend too (or Naproxen). And ice!
Wednesday, February 10th - Day off!!!
Thursday, February 11th - Some lifting at the gym and warmed up on the elliptical.
Friday, February 12th - 8 miles, averaging 9:56 outside
Saturday, February 13th - My knee has been bothering me, so I cycled 15 miles on the bike at the gym.
Sunday, February 14th - 3.23 miles at a 10:42 pace outside. Trying to slow down because my knee does hurt pretty bad from last week's race.
Monday, February 15th - Treadmill run of 5 miles at an average of 10:20 pace. I don't like the treadmill much. But it gets dark so early STILL. And my knee still hurts.
Tuesday, February 16th - Yoga and 5 miles cycling on the inside bike
Wednesday, February 17th - 5.05 miles with Jeanean, outside at Grace averaging 10:35 pace. It felt slow, but we had a good chat and I need to save my knee. It still hurts. And I have 20-21 miles ahead of me tomorrow. Last long run before Arkansas Little Rock Marathon in 3 weeks! I need to slow it down a little; I think that's why my knee is sore. And IBProfen is my friend too (or Naproxen). And ice!
Monday, February 8, 2010
1ST In My Age Group!!!
Whoop whoop! *happy dance*
Saturday, January 6th - Easy 3 mile run on the treadmill at a 10:20 pace.
Sunday, January 7th - I WASN'T LATE FOR THE RACE! No freakin' out or hurrying, and I even got to go to the bathroom TWICE before the start time. (The lines weren't long because the race was #1 on a Sunday and #2 not very large).
My garmin results - 18.74 miles with an average of 9:49 pace!!! That's the fastest I've ever gone and farthest at that pace especially! It helped that I just kept picking people to run with or in their draft. After I finished, I remember talking to a few people and they commented on how they followed my red ponytail for a while and then how they helped me to keep my pace faster than usual too.
My legs (knees) hurt pretty badly afterwards, but I still had to work at Ihloff. So...I went in and then just relaxed with a Superbowl party after that.
Monday, January 8th - Extra sleep and then biked for about an hour (15 miles) at the gym. A few ab exercises, pushups and stretching completed this workout.
Goals -
At least 8 hours of sleep every night
Another 15-18 miles this week
Yoga, Body Pump, and another cardio class this week
No more eating 2 hours before bedtime (starting to get better at this one!)
Saturday, January 6th - Easy 3 mile run on the treadmill at a 10:20 pace.
Sunday, January 7th - I WASN'T LATE FOR THE RACE! No freakin' out or hurrying, and I even got to go to the bathroom TWICE before the start time. (The lines weren't long because the race was #1 on a Sunday and #2 not very large).
My garmin results - 18.74 miles with an average of 9:49 pace!!! That's the fastest I've ever gone and farthest at that pace especially! It helped that I just kept picking people to run with or in their draft. After I finished, I remember talking to a few people and they commented on how they followed my red ponytail for a while and then how they helped me to keep my pace faster than usual too.
My legs (knees) hurt pretty badly afterwards, but I still had to work at Ihloff. So...I went in and then just relaxed with a Superbowl party after that.
Monday, January 8th - Extra sleep and then biked for about an hour (15 miles) at the gym. A few ab exercises, pushups and stretching completed this workout.
Goals -
At least 8 hours of sleep every night
Another 15-18 miles this week
Yoga, Body Pump, and another cardio class this week
No more eating 2 hours before bedtime (starting to get better at this one!)
Friday, February 5, 2010
TRC Winter Classic - Training Run
Well....
Tuesday, February 2nd - Body Pump was accomplished - yay! That felt good and although I wanted to do the Yoga class afterwards as well, I just kind of took it easy and went on to work.
Wednesday, February 3rd - I really wanted to do 15 miles, but I decided to do the TRC Winter Classic this Sunday, and I'm springing for the 30K = 18.3 miles. So...rather than trying to do 15 Wednesday and then turn around and do 18 miles 4 days later....I did 12 miles on Wednesday with a 10:17 pace. A little slower, but honestly - I had NO energy. I went out, after procrastinating - even stripping the sheets off my bed, to avoid going and running. :-( That makes me sad, I'm not sure why I didn't want to go so badly, probably the dull, cloudy, crappy looking weather and me just being really tired.
Thursday, February 4th - Body Pump class happened this morning, and I did not attend. In fact, I slept in, did a little light stretching and went in for a massage. Done and rested.
Friday, February 5th - Got up after sleeping in again and did 2.17 miles, averaging 9:33 pace. I felt rested, which was nice. After work, I went to the gym and just wandered from machine to machine, doing pullups, rows, chest, leg extensions, tricep pulldowns, ab work, back extensions, decline pushups, chest presses....and.....yeah, full body basically!
Tomorrow I hope to run at least 4. Sunday's 'race' is just going to be a training run for me, I'm not going to try to get some amazing time, although keeping it under 10:30 is preferable, definetly. It's up at Mohawk park, so it's flat, and it'll be just 3 loops around. Starts at 9AM, and I'm hoping the weather holds out and no rain and NO SNOW! :-( We don't want that!
I'm not sure why I've been so tired this week. I'm blaming it on PMS week, which I typically do not do, but that's all I can really come up with. Work has been busy, but that's typical, although after the marathon, I did work at the salon EVERY SINGLE DAY for over 2 weeks, so that might have SOMETHING to do with it. :-( I don't really like doing that. Sleep is my friend, and so is the bath, which I miss. I haven't had an epsom salt bath since the 20 miler I did, on January 1st. We may have to revisit that Sunday night.....perhaps.....I will!
Tuesday, February 2nd - Body Pump was accomplished - yay! That felt good and although I wanted to do the Yoga class afterwards as well, I just kind of took it easy and went on to work.
Wednesday, February 3rd - I really wanted to do 15 miles, but I decided to do the TRC Winter Classic this Sunday, and I'm springing for the 30K = 18.3 miles. So...rather than trying to do 15 Wednesday and then turn around and do 18 miles 4 days later....I did 12 miles on Wednesday with a 10:17 pace. A little slower, but honestly - I had NO energy. I went out, after procrastinating - even stripping the sheets off my bed, to avoid going and running. :-( That makes me sad, I'm not sure why I didn't want to go so badly, probably the dull, cloudy, crappy looking weather and me just being really tired.
Thursday, February 4th - Body Pump class happened this morning, and I did not attend. In fact, I slept in, did a little light stretching and went in for a massage. Done and rested.
Friday, February 5th - Got up after sleeping in again and did 2.17 miles, averaging 9:33 pace. I felt rested, which was nice. After work, I went to the gym and just wandered from machine to machine, doing pullups, rows, chest, leg extensions, tricep pulldowns, ab work, back extensions, decline pushups, chest presses....and.....yeah, full body basically!
Tomorrow I hope to run at least 4. Sunday's 'race' is just going to be a training run for me, I'm not going to try to get some amazing time, although keeping it under 10:30 is preferable, definetly. It's up at Mohawk park, so it's flat, and it'll be just 3 loops around. Starts at 9AM, and I'm hoping the weather holds out and no rain and NO SNOW! :-( We don't want that!
I'm not sure why I've been so tired this week. I'm blaming it on PMS week, which I typically do not do, but that's all I can really come up with. Work has been busy, but that's typical, although after the marathon, I did work at the salon EVERY SINGLE DAY for over 2 weeks, so that might have SOMETHING to do with it. :-( I don't really like doing that. Sleep is my friend, and so is the bath, which I miss. I haven't had an epsom salt bath since the 20 miler I did, on January 1st. We may have to revisit that Sunday night.....perhaps.....I will!
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